Why seeking approval from others nearly destroyed me—and how finding God’s acceptance saved my life.

The Perfect Facade

I had everyone fooled. Expensive clothes, an impressive condo, a great relationship, always on the cutting edge of the latest trends. From the outside, I looked like I had it all together. People would tell me how lucky I was, how they wished they had my life. If they only knew the truth.

Behind the perfect facade, I was dying inside. I was a functioning addict who had turned people-pleasing into an art form. I spent my days performing for approval and my nights numbing the pain of feeling like a fraud. I was using drugs to escape the reality of how empty I felt, all while maintaining this image of “put together” that everyone seemed to accept.

The Breaking Point

By the time I hit 40, I was so disconnected from life and disgusted with myself that some mornings I couldn’t even get out of bed. I had built my entire identity around what other people thought of me, and the weight of that performance was crushing me. I was successful as far as anyone knew, had beautiful things, all the things people are jealous of, but I was secretly so broken and lost and just auto-piloting through life.

The worst part? The people whose approval I was desperately seeking didn’t even know the real me. How could they approve of someone who didn’t exist? I was living a lie, and that lie was killing me.

The Moment Everything Changed

That’s when I cried out to God in desperation. I had nothing left to lose, nothing left to prove. I had tried to fix myself. I had tried all the self help and all the therapy I could handle. And in that moment of complete brokenness, something miraculous happened. God met me exactly where I was—not where I pretended to be, but where I actually was. Broken. Lost. Addicted. Ashamed. And He loved me anyway.

That encounter changed everything. It changed how I saw myself, how I saw God, and how I saw the approval I had been chasing my whole life. For the first time in decades, I stopped trying to be everything everyone else thought I had to be. Let me tell you—it’s the most freeing thing you’ll ever experience.

Why We All Crave Approval (And How It Becomes Toxic)

The Natural Need for Belonging

Everyone wants to fit in somewhere. Everyone needs to feel like they belong. This isn’t a character flaw—it’s how God wired us. From the moment we’re born, we seek approval and connection. We learn early that acceptance feels good and rejection hurts. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved and accepted; the problem comes when we start seeking that validation from the wrong sources.

The Dangerous Path of People-Pleasing

I learned early how to read people, how to become what they wanted me to be. We seek approval from a very young age, and somewhere along the way, many of us learn to follow the herd and go with the flow because it’s easier than leading. When you’re part of the crowd, you don’t have to make the hard decisions or take the risks that come with authentic living. You just copy what everyone else is doing and hope it works for you.

When Approval Becomes Toxic

But here’s where seeking approval becomes dangerous: when you’re seeking approval from people who make decisions based on fear and manipulation, you’re not getting healthy validation—you’re getting toxic programming. I spent years adopting the habits and values of people I thought had it all together. I thought I was becoming successful and confident like them. Really, I was just becoming afraid and anxious like them—and addicted like them, broken like them, empty like them.

What the Bible Says About People-Pleasing (And Why It Matters)

The Apostle Paul’s Warning

The Bible puts it perfectly in Galatians 1:10: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Paul wrote to the Galatian church because false teachers were leading them to conform to human expectations instead of following the truth of Christ. Paul understood something I learned through painful experience: when your primary goal is to please people, you lose sight of who God created you to be.

The Snare of Human Fear

Scripture doesn’t dance around this issue. Proverbs 29:25 says, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” That word “snare” isn’t gentle—it’s talking about a trap that catches you and holds you captive. When you live in fear of what people think, you’re not free. You’re trapped.

This proverb, attributed to King Solomon, contrasts two ways of living: one driven by fear of human judgment, the other anchored in trust in God. Solomon learned through his own failures that seeking approval from others leads to compromise and spiritual bondage.

Jesus: The Ultimate Example

I lived that trap for decades. I was so afraid of people discovering who I really was that I built an entire fake life around their approval. I had the perfect image, but I was dying inside. The fear of rejection had become my master, and I was a slave to everyone’s opinions, expectations, and definitions of who I was or tried to be.

Jesus himself faced this choice constantly. People wanted Him to be the kind of Messiah they expected—a political leader, a people-pleaser, someone who would tell them what they wanted to hear. But Jesus consistently chose God’s approval over human approval, even when it meant facing rejection, criticism, and ultimately the cross.

The Cost of Following the Crowd

To be a leader takes effort. Following the crowd is easier, but it’s not what God called us to. He called us to be salt and light, to stand out, to make a difference. That requires courage, and courage requires caring more about what God thinks than what people think.

Here’s what changed for me when I really understood this: I realized that fearing rejection from people was actually keeping me from the very thing I was seeking—authentic connection and belonging. When you’re constantly performing for approval, you never know if people actually like you or just the version of you that you’re presenting. And when that version is completely fake, like mine was, you know deep down that their approval means nothing.

The Futility of Seeking Validation from the Lost

You should not fear man’s rejection. The people whose approval I was desperately seeking? They were making decisions based on their own fears and insecurities. Their validation wasn’t something I should have wanted in the first place. It was like asking someone who’s lost to give you directions.

How God’s Approval Changed My Life

The Game-Changing Truth

The game-changer came when I cried out to God in desperation and discovered something that rocked my world: God’s approval isn’t based on performance. It’s not something I have to earn or maintain through perfect behavior, success, or image management. It’s not dependent on my ability to impress Him or hide my failures. God’s approval is based on His love, and His love is unconditional.

The Transformation Begins

When I finally grasped this truth, everything started to shift. I stopped making decisions based on what would make others happy and started making decisions based on what aligned with God’s heart and my authentic self. I stopped adopting other people’s values and started remembering my own. I stopped trying to be impressive and started trying to be real.

Better Relationships Through Authenticity

The transformation was incredible: when I stopped desperately seeking everyone’s approval, my relationships actually got better. People started connecting with the real me instead of the performance I had been putting on. I lost relationships with some people. I discovered that authentic people are drawn to authenticity, and the people who were only interested in my fake version weren’t the people I wanted in my life anyway.

Freedom from the Approval Trap

I remember the first time someone criticized a decision I made about how I was going to spend my time—a decision I had made based on what I felt God was calling me to do rather than what would maintain my perfect image. In the past, that criticism would have sent me into a spiral of self doubt and I would have ultimately changed my decision. But this time, I felt this deep peace. I thought, “God approves of this decision. That’s what matters.”

That’s when I knew something fundamental had changed. I was finally free from the approval trap. And after decades of addiction, performance, and emptiness, I can tell you—this freedom is worth so much more than any high, any approval, any success the world can offer.

Practical Steps to Freedom from Approval-Seeking

Breaking free from the approval trap isn’t a one-time event—it’s a daily choice to lead your own life instead of letting other people’s opinions lead it for you. It takes courage to step out of the herd and start making decisions based on your own values and God’s calling on your life.

Daily Foundation: Start Each Day with Truth

• Begin with God’s perspective: Before checking your phone or engaging with the world, remind yourself that you are God’s beloved child, and His opinion of you is the only one that defines you.

• Practice gratitude: Thank God for the life He’s given you and the chance to do something great for Him that day.

• Ground yourself in truth: This isn’t just positive thinking—it’s truth thinking. This is the difference between surviving and actually living.

Decision-Making: Pause and Ask the Right Questions

When you catch yourself starting to make decisions based on what others might think:

• Stop and reflect: “Would I do this if I wasn’t afraid of rejection?”

• Seek God’s perspective: “What would I do if I truly believed that God’s approval was the only thing that matters?”

• Listen to your answer: Usually, the answer is clear, and it’s very different from what your fear-based thinking was telling you to do.

Discernment: Learn to Recognize Healthy vs. Toxic Validation

Healthy feedback characteristics: • Comes from people who genuinely love you and want to see you grow • Is offered with your best interests in mind • Encourages you toward truth and authenticity • Builds you up while helping you improve

Toxic validation characteristics: • Comes from people operating out of their own fears and insecurities • Keeps you trapped in performance and pretense • Feeds your addiction to approval rather than promoting growth • Maintains the same fears that kept me trapped in addiction for decades

Recovery: Know How to Bounce Back from Setbacks

The hardest part is when you slip back into old patterns—and you will. Here’s how to recover:

• Recognize the slip: I still catch myself sometimes caring too much about what someone thinks or making decisions based on fear of rejection.

• Return to truth: Go back to the foundation—God’s approval is enough. His love is unconditional.

• Refocus on purpose: His calling on my life is more important than anyone’s opinion of my life.

• Trust in His strength: If whatever I’m doing is in God’s will, His power makes up for my imperfections.

The Beautiful Result

Here’s the beautiful thing: when you stop living for people’s approval and start living for God’s, life actually becomes worth living. I’m not just surviving anymore—I’m thriving. I’m not just pretending to be successful—I’m genuinely at peace. I’m not just managing my image—I’m living in freedom.

Your Journey to Freedom Starts Now

The Truth About Belonging

If you’re reading this exhausted from the performance, from trying to be someone you’re not, from living in fear of rejection, I want you to know something: the belonging you’re really seeking isn’t found in human approval. It’s found in God’s acceptance and in authentic community with people who love you for who you really are.

The Reality About Those You’re Trying to Impress

Those people you’re trying so hard to impress? They might be just as broken and insecure as you feel. The validation they’re offering isn’t worth the price of your authentic self. And the rejection you’re so afraid of? It doesn’t define you. God’s acceptance does.

My Testimony: From Death to Life

I spent 40 years seeking others’ approval, which nearly killed me. I was living “the good life,” impressive yet miserable. Now I live for God’s approval and feel free. It’s not about being religious, but about being real. It’s about knowing that God loves you as you are, not as you pretend to be.

The Choice Before You

What if today you chose to lead your own life based on God’s approval instead of following the crowd based on fear? What if you started making decisions based on your values instead of other people’s expectations? What if you stopped being afraid of rejection and started being excited about authentic connection?

Your True Identity

Your worth isn’t up for vote. Your value isn’t determined by popularity. Your identity isn’t found in other people’s opinions. It’s found in God’s love, and that love is unchanging, unconditional, and enough to make life worth living again.

You weren’t created to be a copy of someone else. You were created to be you—the real, authentic, God-designed you. And that version of you is who the world needs, not another counterfeit copy of someone else’s brokenness.

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Ready to Break Free from the Approval Trap?

Your journey to authentic living starts with one simple truth: God’s approval is enough. Everything else is just noise.

Join thousands of others who are learning to live from God’s approval rather than people’s opinions. Because when you know whose you are, you’re free to be who you were created to be. And that freedom is what makes life worth living.

What’s one area of your life where you’re still seeking human approval instead of trusting God’s love? Share your thoughts in the comments below—we’re all in this together.